It's All in The PAK
by Invader Johnny
Summary: I always knew Zim was insane, I just never knew how much, After all it’s one thing to think he’s the greatest Irken alive, it’s quite another to see a species that isn’t really there, Alternates Skoodge’s POV and Zim’s POV A one-shot.


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It's all in the PAK.

**Summary:** _I always knew Zim was insane, I just never knew how much, After all it's one thing to think he's the greatest Irken alive, it's quite another to see a species that isn't really there, Alternates Skoodge's POV and Zim's POV A one-shot._

_**Author Notes**__: Meh, this came to me after seeing an episode of "__the Twilight Zone" called "__One More Pallbearer"__, for those who have seen it, then the ending will be highly familiar if not then you'll be pleasantly surprised, heh I'll see you at the bottom!_

_Disclaimer: Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez, the only thing I have even remotely close to owning IZ is the three DVDs._

* * *

"_**HIYA FATTY!"**_

"_This is my life"_ Skoodge thought in dismay _"Well at least it's a thousand times better than it was when I was on Blorch, a miserable time I had those few months."_

Gir ran around the living room giggling insanely.

"_Okay maybe that was an exaggeration"._

"For the last time Gir, I don't like it when you call me fatty, its mean and my name is Skoodge!

"Ok fatty!"

The alien groans in exasperation _"why me?"_

Skoodge has been living on Earth for a few weeks now, or at least that's what he _thought_ the planet was called, the fat invader wasn't at all sure; Zim wasn't all that reliable when it came to useful information or any kind of information for that matter.

At first he saw why Zim complained so much about this world but then, when he decided to explore the human infested planet in a disguise for the first time, the alien knew right away that there was no need to take precautious.

… ever.

Skoodge had asked Zim many times why he stayed on such a dirty place… his only responses were.

"_To kill the humans!"_

"_To please the Tallest"_

"_Because I can!"_

He played along at first, not because he cared for his insane roommate, but because he was afraid for his own safety.

The invader never knew if Gir or MiniMoose saw the same thing their master saw… they probably did or maybe they just saw a different version of the world in their tiny delusional minds.

But the computer did know, he was the only one Skoodge could freely talk to; he was the only one that understood on some level why Zim saw what Skoodge could not.

"_Because he was desperate."_

"_**ARRGHT!"**_

Everyone in the room turned their heads to see the cause of the disturbance standing on the doorway, his eyes burning with hatred unlike anything anyone has ever seen before on the banished alien.

"_**I HATE THE DIB-PIG!"**_

"Hey Zim, how was school?" Skoodge asked.

It was a routine, something he had grown used to, the invader just couldn't think of another way to start a conversation with his fellow outcast.

Not without pissing him off big time first.

"How do you _think_ it went?" Zim asked rhetorically, and before the slightly taller Irken could talk, Zim said darkly "horrible… just _**HORRIBLE**_!"

"Why am I not surprised?" The computer said sarcastically.

He glared at the ceiling "Zim is not in the mood so shut up!"

"When are you ever in the mood?" the computer muttered.

"I heard that!"

"Good, you were suppose to"

MiniMoose squeaked.

Zim snarled "Keep this up and after I destroy the Earth, you two will be next!"

"Then yup, my life my safe"

"Arrghhht!" the alien screamed as he ran to his underground lab, leaving Skoodge, MiniMoose and Gir alone.

The overweight alien shook his head, and then he noticed that the door was wide open.

"_Figures"._

Slowly but surely he had every intention to close it but not before looking at at the outside world.

Skoodge sighs and closes the purple door.

"Zim is wasting his time".

Later that evening the alarm went off.

"The Dib-Pig!" Zim exclaimed "It has to be!"

Skoodge warily stared; it was obvious that another "fight" was going to happen.

The alien was eating the Irken version of French toast and slowly stared at the ceiling "You did this didn't you?"

If the artificial being that was the house could shrug he would have done so already "I had to, he wouldn't shut up and believe me I tried finding a self destruct button"

Skoodge raised an invisible eyebrow "why would you look for a self destruct button"

"Being dead beats listening to _him_"

"uh-huh"

Zim used his spider legs, using them as a faster mode of transportation; he obviously planned to kill Dib.

"Want to see captain moron make a full of himself?"

The short extraterrestrial shakes his head, no… not this time; I don't think this can go on much longer… sooner or later he has to stop this"

"You can't possibly believe that" The computer said in disbelief.

"Wouldn't hurt to try" He said in a monotone voice "But just out of curiosity, how long has Zim been on this dump of a planet?"

"Can't really say for sure… maybe around four… five years?"

Skoodge took a bite out of his rare delicacy.

"_**HA HA PREPARE TO DIE HUMAN DIB!"**_

The yelling could be heard from the first floor, Zim certainly had a pair of lungs or the equivalent of lungs.

They didn't hear a reply for the enemy, not that they were expecting one.

"What do you think Zim is hearing?"

"Probably the same crap he has heard before"

"You know I always knew that Zim was insane, I just never knew how much"

"That's an understanding"

"After all it's one thing to _think_ he's the greatest Irken alive, but it's quite another to see a species that isn't really there."

The computer understood, he had told his semi-friend why he went along with Zim's insanity, he felt pity towards him, he just pretended to guard a base of a fictional civilization.

Zim came to Earth, yes he planned to conquer it but there was no reason to do so, the planet was devoid of any life but Zim saw a primitive civilization, in his mind he saw an inferior race he could enslave or destroy.

He was so desperate for a mission that he lost all sight of reality, he just saw what he wanted to see, and there were really no humans.

They were made up.

Dib was simply an imaginary frenemy, a scapegoat Zim could use when his plans didn't go the way they were supposed to.

It was a mystery how the plans failed; then again Zim's incompetence could have been a key factor.

The computer turned a giant screen on, simply because _he_ wanted to see his master lose yet again to a figment of his imagination.

Once the static was gone the image of Zim trying to free himself from the _Imaginary Dib_ was seen, everyone that is to say the computer and Skoodge could see how foolish the Irken looked, he was struggling to get away from the wall, it was obvious _Dib_ had pined him there, probably by using a weapon of some sort.

"_**WUAHAHAHA I'M ONLY ALLOWING YOU TO KEEP ME CAPTIVE DIB-HUMAN, I'M GIVING YOU A FALSE SENSE OF SUPERIORITY!"**_

Silence was the only thing heard.

But Zim heard something else.

"_You do realize that makes no sense right?" Dib _said.

"_**IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE!" **_Zim retaliated "You just can't understand my amazing mind!"

"_Whatever Zim"_

Angered by the complete disrespect from his young imaginary adversary, the alien "broke free" and used his PAK, intending to kill the intruder by getting his spider legs out and use them as some sort of knife.

"_**You die now!"**_

Gir and MiniMoose were seen in the background, "cheering" for their master.

Zim laughed as he saw the human trying to avoid getting stabbed, in his mind, the boy was scared, and he relished the moment, thinking it was greatest accomplishment since he arrived on Earth.

"I'm really going to do it, I'm gonna kill the large headed annoying and inferior human child!"

Finaly the mechanical spider leg impaled the boy; blood could be seen coming out him the raven haired boy.

The fake invader smiled sadistically "you lose."

The body felled.

"_**I AM ZIM!"**_

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"Huh" The computer said in fake interest "Look like you were right, it look to me that he finally killed him"

Skoodge nodded "Let's not forget, Dib doesn't really exist, so Zim is not really a murderer"

"Thanks for pointing the obvious captain." The computer snapped sarcastically."

The fat alien wasn't bothered at all.

"Sooooooooooooo" The A.I said trying to start a conversation, ignoring the victory rant the demented alien upstairs was doing "What's it like?"

Confused, Skoodge asked "What's what like?"

"Outside" The computer clarified "I mean I know what _he_ sees but I dunno what _you_ see."

"Oh" The red eyes alien shrugged "Not much really, I followed Zim around the places he told me about, the mall, the skool, even the house of his enemy and everything is so… not right."

"What you mean?"

"Well for starters the mall is nothing more than a river full of acid, the skool building is nothing more than a forest and I seen Zim several time yelling bloody murder to a tree he calls Ms Bitters… or was it Keef?" He shrugged "Ah well I guess it doesn't matter and finally the house where the membrane boy lives is nothing more than a cave and some type of scary looking creature has mauled Zim several times, what creeps me out is that he keeps calling the furry thing… Gaz"

"No one ever said the mind of a crazy person had to make sense"

Skoodge grinned "True".

The Irken turned around just to be face to face with the subject of their bizarre conversation, and he did not look happy.

His left eye was twitching, he was angry and they knew it.

"Who…" Zim began to question icily "is crazy?"

"Um… Gir?" Skoodge said lamely and had the time to put a palm in his face afterwards.

"I heard you…_** I HEARD BOTH OF YOU!"**_

The computer said surprised "He heard _us_ THAT is a surprise! ... It has to be like the first time he has listened to us"

"_And he had such a bad timing"_ The petrified Irken thought.

"Get out"

"Wh- What?"

"_**GET OUT, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BASE, NO ONE QUESTIONS ZIM YOU HEAR ME! NO ONE, IF I SAY THIS PLANET IS INHABITED THEN I'M TELLING THE TRUTH, IF YOU DEFY ME THEN YOU ARE THE WRONG ONE! CAUSE I AM ZIM!"**_

"That makes no sense whatsoever" The computer said.

MiniMoose squeaked. He to had appeared out of thin air.

"And to prove I'm not crazy I got the Human Dib's gigantic head!"

"_What we saw was not the head of Zim's enemy"_

"Uh, master that's Gir's head." The computer said in mild fear.

"_It was a horrific sight indeed; we saw the insane android's head covered in blood, __**green**__ blood, __**Irken**__ blood."_

The robot's lifeless eyes stared back at the terrified henchmen.

"_At some point Zim had imagined Gir to be Dib and decapitated him, I'm actually afraid to know where the blood came from."_

The Irken scowled "no it's not, it's the Dib pig's head! Are you so blind that you can't tell the difference between flesh and metal?!"

"_At that point I knew Zim has lost what little sanity he had left, he had gone into the deep end"_

"_I have to get out __**NOW**__!"_

"Well err Zim; you seem to be e-enjoying your victory s-so I'll be uh… getting some more stuff for the mission."

"What kind of stuff?" The defective asked suspiciously, obviously having forgotten that just a few seconds ago he had ordered Skoodge to leave his base.

"Uh… important stuff, you know p-powerful weapons and uh taquitos to shut Gir up?"

He winced when he finally noticed he made the statement sound more like a question.

Zim didn't seem to notice "Ok, leave."

Skoodge was so freaking relieved that he happily complied and ran out of the base, borrowing the disguise his fellow Irken used on a daily basis.

"_Ok, I need to get a ship, someway out of this place, out of this desert planet!"_

Skoodge ran terrified, not caring to notice the environment he had seen time and time again.

Had he been paying attention he may have avoided getting run over.

… By a truck.

"My Tallest!"

"What is it now Zim?" Red deadpanned.

"I call to inform you of the progress of Invader Skoodge!"

Here both leaders grew tense.

"Well, out with it!" Purple bellowed "What do you have to tell us?"

Zim groans "Skoodge has gone deeper into his psychosis than we believed"

"How so?"

"Well he seems to believe that this planet is a desert world, that I dismantled my own robot that you gave me while in reality I finally killed the Dib-human!"

"Yes, yes hooray for you Zim!" Red praised sarcastically "What else?"

"Oh, the computer tells me that Skoodge keeps responding things that have nothing to do with what it what asked, almost if he _hears_ an entirely different thing."

Purple rubs his chin "That's bad right?"

Zim and Red stare at him as if he was an idiot.

Red looks at Zim "Anything else?"

"I don't allow him out of the base; I fear his insanity might reveal my mission"

"If only that would happen" Purple muttered.

Red glared at him silently telling him _"now it's not the time!"_

Zim just realized his mistake by letting Skoodge leave the base_ "oh crap."_

"Anyway Zim your assignment still stands, keep Skoodge on Earth, we cant let him run around the universe SPECIALLY since the war at planet Meekrob has gone onto a greater scale than we originally believed"

"I still think you need me to help win the war my tallest"

"Zim, we choose you for this job because leaving an defective free could be very VERY bad to the Empire, you have a responsibility and it's a great honor" Red said slyly.

Here the defective looked like a kid who just gotten a candy bar "I shall not fail you my Tallest!"

"I'm sure you won't"

The transmission ended.

* * *

The Tallest laugh when the call was terminated

"WUAHAHAHAHA I-I Cant believe that h-he bought it!" Purple said in between laughs.

"I know we have two annoying short morons out of the way, we killed two birds with one stone."

"Maybe if we're lucky they'll kill each other!"

"Oh yeah!"

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Back on Earth Zim was going nuts

"_**I GOTTA FIND SKOODGE!"**_

And he ran screaming out of the house.

Gir was drinking a suck-monkey.

_**THE END.**_

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_**Confused? I wouldn't surprised if you weren't, well to summarize this, Skoodge was the one who was nuts, he saw the Earth as a harsh and dry world and the reason he was sent there was because he became a great danger than Zim, don't you all love a twisted ending when you see one?**_

_**So, review!**_

_**Invader Johnny Signing Off.**_


End file.
